What the hell is going on????

This country is in serious trouble! We live in a peaceful, quiet English type village, where children are safe, the speed limit is 30kmph, we have guards roaming our enclosed streets with boom access (It does sound quite hectic when I read this paragraph!) it’s a close community with such a sense of community spirit. People walk their dogs, jog, power walk or picnic here all the time. We have had so few incidents of crime here, it has been idillic. Then yesterday my eldest gets shot in the back with an air gun, by some 12 year old who obviously needed to feel like a gangster with his big fake girly glass earrings. Luckily for him, Tim had his big, thick army style jacket on, so the pellet didn’t penetrate his skin, it only stung him quite painfully.

Phil came rushing in and said we needed to come quickly. Pete got hold of the girly gangster wannabe and confiscated the weapon, left a message on his dad’s cell phone (obviously he gave us the wrong number!! duh!) What the hell is going on here? That our children cannot even play in front of our house on the oval without some moron making life difficult for everyone else? Is our society so far down the bloody tubes that children from good homes carry weapons around? Fortunately it was only an air gun, but it can do serious damage to eyes and soft tissue dammit!!!

Anyway, I don’t want harp on the benefits of leaving this country, but it just makes the decision so much easier when the time comes. We are really trying to be as possitive about this country as we can, for our childrens sake, but I cannot lie and say that I am not a very jaded South African. We have decided that we need to enjoy what this counrty can offer while we are still living here, because we will miss aspects of South Africa when we live in Europe, but I will certainly NEVER miss the bloody lawlessness and the lack of value for human life. It’s a shame and a pity.

Do you remember?

I think back on my childhood fondly, albeit frought with emotional ups and downs as children grow and journey through life. I did not have a care in the world. We would sneak out ot at midnight for a mdnight feast, visit abandoned houses and scare your friends out of their wits, or be scared out of your wits, with ghastly ghost stories of axe murderers and blunt knife slaughters, then don’t sleep for days because you are scared shitless!! Talking big about what you are going to achieve in your adult life, saving the whale and a number of other species, because you are going to marry a gazillionaire so that you don’t have to work and devote all your time to your cause. And shop, oh the shopping you’ll be doing between saving the whale and what not……Bliss.

Children didn’t seem to have a care in the world, especially when I was a youngster, I never for one moment thought that I would be in the battle of my life, for my life. Never once did I think I’ll watch with such heartache as my sister battles infertility. Life is supposed to be hard, we all knew it as kids, what we never considered was how impossible it would seem. I always knew my sister would have lots of kids, I always knew I would never have kids, I actually tried convincing her to have just one, we were about 10 and 11 at the time and on our way to school, I was telling her kids would interfere with life. Oi. Foolish kid that I was. We were going to do great things as adults, going places, doing things etc etc.

I think if someone told us what’s in store for us, we would do so many things differently, I would certainly make sure my life turned out very different. 

I wish I could turn back the clock and have my childhood again, do things differently, live wiser, not make so many damn mistakes. Have a clearer understanding of life and not just blunder through it. Be more aware of what’s going on around me, but alas, it’s not to be, I have to accept my life as it is and carry on growing from here and hope and pray my mistakes aren’t too expensive. I have an opportunity to teach the boys what I failed to learn, and hope they take hold of life in a positive way and not miss so much. I hope they learn faster than I did. I also hope in this age where innocence is lost so fast that they stay young for as long as possble.

I can only hope that at some point life will get easier, I know it sounds stupid and idealistic, but I hope nonetheless.

Valley of waves.

Sun city was ok, a bit arteficial for Pete and myself, but the boys had a ball!! Their faces were a picture! We loved watching them scream with excitement as they went down the viper tunnel on a tube, so cute. We had a relaxing time, Pete worked a bit on wednesday then he joined us at the Valley of the waves, I missed him, it was good to have him join us.

On our way there though, we encountered a couple of naked bikers, and I mean NAKED!!! I wondered if this was just a dare, or if they were so comfortable in their own skins and with their bodies that they had no qualms riding completely nekkid on a bike. Either way, we found it quite cool!!! The boys had never seen anything like it, and spoke of it for days!! Quite funny.

So our little spur of the moment adventure turned out to be not too bad. As I said before, we went for the boys.

More on that next week, as I feel like a bit of boogie tonight with a couple of girlfriends, sans the guys off course!!

Spur of the moment.

We are on our way to Sun City on the spur of the moment. My rubber arm got twisted by 2 excited little boys. I made the mistake of not checking their rooms before I told Pete my dad phoned and wanted to know if we want to come for a visit. So out barge two little faces with, “CAN WEEEE?????? PLEEEEEEASE????” So after MUCH consideration we decided it would not be so bad after all. (I might just regret this decicion, we’ll see)

Anyway, so I’ll have some good news, hopefully, tomorrow. And Dolla, please read your comment from me on your blog over and over again, you have purpose, big time, you’ll see, and you know you have purpose, you’ve just forgotten a bit. It happens, don’t stress.

My day.

I had a long hard look at my life recently, and found myself to be quite boring. I get up, have tea with Pete, bath, get dressed, and teach the boys. In amongst all that, I do breakfast, laundry, SOME cleaning, (I really dislike it, so I do a bit here and there untill the house is clean), then I organise lunch, more schooling, then I watch a bit or Discovery with the boys, chat to Pete, start dinner, watch tv or read. And that is the sum total of my day, then there’s the (bleeegh) shopping I gotta also do!! How boring is that?? The only thing I really enjoy about my day is teaching the boys. Now, this is my dilemma, what the heck am I going to do when they are done with school????? When we have a break from school, I walk aroung here lke a lost fart, not knowing what to do with myself. I’m bored and I irritate Pete, shoping only goes so far, and I dispise watching tv all day long, did it once, had a ball, tried doing it again and almost went mad. So I’ll need to get a business idea of sorts, but do you think I can think of any?? Hell no! Am really worried about my sanity one day.

Am actually worried about my sanity these days! A friend of mine once said,”If you think about it, none of us are actually sane, we all have something that drives us crazy, and we are all a bit messed up in one way or another”. That is quite true, another friend of mine has 4 kids, now 4 kids will drive me to dementia on a normal day, but this remarkable (thin) (hate that) woman has one autistic child on top of everything. And I know how she struggles on a daily basis, and sometimes she does have this crazy outburst type thing (don’t know how else to describe it) just to release her frustration. I can identify with that. So, knowing that most of us have slight crazyness, helps. I always wonder what type of Granny I’ll be, will I be happy and cheerful, or an old grumble bag just becaus I can. Then I imagine myself old,the clothes I’m wearing, the friends I’ll have, will I play bridge or bingo, am I selfish or generous…… eeek!!! You see why I worry about my sanity? Not normal behaviour.

I think I’ll just focus on the here and now and force myself to NOT imagine myself old.

Facebook.

Wow, can I waste time on facebook these days! I just adopted a male Rotweiler puppy and I need to feed him and water him and play with him. He’s vey cute, albeit virtual, and if you don’t feed him, his tongue hangs out and he just looks so pathetic! I don’t go near my pc during the weekends, so the little virtual pup will just have to hang on till monday. Then there’s the superpoke, a friend and I superpoke each other all day long!! Throwing stuff at each other, singing together  and so forth. I can see this ending badly for me, everytime I play with the puppy Pete says” Oh honey, your’re not even a dog person!!” or “Are you playing with the dog again? Don’t you feel like you’re wasting time?” Erm, yip, I do!! But the dog needs company, and I know I love cats, but they didn’t have kittens to adopt!! Sigh…..As if I don’t have anything better to do with my time.

Anyhoo, I will have to delete my pup if I’m going to want to get anything done next week. Shame, I hope he doesn’t take it personally. Hubby says that people are living with their faces in the pc, and yes, we are, he works in front of a pc all day long, as do millions of others, then there are people like me, on facebook, feeding virtual puppies. Rock on facebook!! I will probably get seriously bored with it all, quite soon I fear, then all will be normal again. Untill then, facebook it is.

Superpoke dudes!!

Crime and criminals.

My sister and her husband got broken into by 2 teenage girls, GIRLS!!!!!! That’s right, crime in this country has just stepped up a notch…….again. Now I do realise that there are people here who have been victims of violent crime, and my heart goes out to them. It just pisses me off to know that stuff we buy with our hard earned money seems to be fair game to anyone who wants it. I am eternally greatful that my sister wasn’t home when this happened. At least she was safe.

 My husband and I decided a while ago to stop watching the news, because the horror we saw was just too much to bear, so now we are blissfully unaware. It helps, we all have our coping mechanisms, and this is ours.

 I get that these two little bitches are being used by some asshole adult to rob people blind, because it’s just better using children as they can get through some burglar bars, it just doesn’t make it any easier. I just think they have gone through enough emotionally with infertility and everything that goes with it, this is quite uneccessary.

Anyway, just another reason why people leave. Sometimes I cannot wait anymore and I just want to get to Switzerland. Then other times I think it’s not so bad and we can stick around a little longer, then this happens and I just get so pissed off with the situation we face here. Our hands are tied, there is not much we can do, which makes one feel even more defeated.

And on that low note, I bid thee farewell.

Test day looming.

Well it’s almost time for yet another test. I’ve been diligently testing every 8 weeks to make sure my kidney behaves itself without the medication. But test day is a bitch!! I get slightly silently histerical a few days before said day. I hate it, I hate disease, why should there be such a thing? Facing one’s mortality is not the funnest thing to do, but here I am. I’ve been battling this damn disease for 14 years now, and man am I tired!!! Let me just explain the word “BATTLE”, you see, it’s very easy to give up, but it’s damned hard not giving up, carrying on, day by day, month by month, year by year. Everyday is a struggle to not give up, to carry on. Getting your mind right, and carrying on. I’m not the type of person that gives advice left right and centre, but the one thing I will say, is “Don’t give up”. I’ve had my fair share of crap, all sorts of childhood diseases, hepatitis, pneumonia, helico bacter (a stomach ulcer type thing) gallbladder trouble, and finally, FSG the kidney disease. I’ve had my uterus removed, thankfully only after I had my children, my right kidney removed, and hopefully it will be all. Shit!! I sound like a bloody hypercondriac!!!! This is it for me, I’d like to carry on with my life like normal people do, but I also know that I am who I am because of everything I’ve had to endure, so it’s probably not that bad.

I also hate infertility, my sister has battled that for almost 6 years now. See the word “BATTLE” in there again? You see, her daily struggles are very similar to mine: hope, no hope, happy, sad, expectation, shattered dreams, hope again etc. And giving up is also not an option, we do sometimes give up a little bit, just to rest, then we get back on the wagon and carry on. Because we have goals in mind, I’d like to live long and watch my children grow up and be an aunty, and my sister wants to be a mommy.

 My mom always thought that I would be the one that would struggle to have children, strange hey? I am wishing and hoping with all of my heart that my sister has a succesful pregnancy. I am SO looking forward to seeing her as a mom, and I would dearly love to be an Aunty.

So, with test date looming, I might make it loom some other time, will still see, coz I’ve kinda lied a bit about the date, I’m supposed to test 27 June, but I’ve told everyone I’m testing first week (or so) in July, now I’m thinking that August actually looks pretty good!! But, whenever I test, I am (as always) hoping for a good result.

Thanks!

Pete is in Taiwan for a week, so us chickens have been keeping ourselves busy. I’ve had to “escape” from certain people, so we stayed over at my sister’s house last night. The kids had a blast. First we went to Menlyn to the games arcade and spent a fortune on games. You get a ticket thing when you play at the, what we call “the baby” area, and we then redeemed these tickets for all sorts of stuff. Great fun. The boys only want to go back now!! Not sure I’ll be able to withstand another auditory onslaught!!

Today I was supposed to have my 3rd dentist appointment, but I gave it away very willingly sacrificed my appointment for the boys.Remember Phil’s broken tooth saga? It has just come to bite me on the ass!! He has some irritation in the root area and it may cause an absess and then the tooth is no more. Can you bare it? After all the drama we had to endure with braces on baby teeth, we might just loose the front tooth. Not funny at all. In 3 months we’ll know.The dentist sealed the front tooth, now he doesn’t have a crooked smile anymore. He also fixed one of Tim’s broken teeth, it wasn’t a big break, but I think the dentist was on a roll and decided to fix everything that’s broken. I didn’t feel like having a spaz jaw today, so it suited me down to the ground!!

Anyway, on thursday we are going to see an Imax movie, the boys are very intrigued by all that, hope they are not dissapointed. Time will tell. Pete is back home on Saturday so life will get back to normal then.

So thankyou Dolla for keeping us entertained and the boys minds off missing their dad so much, and for helping out when we needed to just get out of the house. As the boys say “We have the best Aunty and Uncle in the whole wide world” Absolutely!!!!!! And I have the world’s best and finest sister!!

Teenage blizzard.

Had a busy, scrap that, VERY busy week. A friend’s daughter, or as she’s known in our house, “The favourite teenager” visited us for a few days. Boy, is this girl busy, she’s an only child and quite demanding, we don’t realy mind, we like her very much. She keeps me very very busy when she’s here, we go places, see things, drink. I shan’t elaborate on the drink bit…….. Aaanyway, moving right along, we decided to go to the movies on monday and we watched Game plan, quite a cute movie, and tuesday we decided to go to a Nature reserve, it started rather slow, and I’m sure absolutely positive that our car was the only one with the radio blaring!! Thanks to the teenager in the vehicle. After a while, we turned her attention to some Zebras,(aaaaahhh!! how cuuute!!!!) and explained they needed silence, as the 2 boys in the backseat also made quite a racket. So, sorted out the noise level, the ssshhh’s, (which by the way made more noise than the radio) poured a glass of wine, and drove around looking for Buffalo. The day turned out to be so much fun and full of excitement that all of us were exhausted by early evening. We didn’t see that much, but is was fine, we had fun just being together and chatting and joking around.

Wednesday we decided to get caps for the cap guns and we ran around “assasinating” each other. Much fun, but I do think that my left ear is not quite what it used to be. As we were running around going “BANG!!! You’re dead! I thought that in this violent country of ours, this might not be the correct game to play. And then realised that even if we were playing this in Switzerland, it will still just be a game. Boys will be boys, and my kids are well aware of the situation in this country, and I am not going to take games like cowboys and police and crook games away because of the violence here. They aren’t doing anything to anyone (but their mom) or hurting people, it’s just a game of imagination, and I’m ok with that.

We all need to have fun, and I had a blast yesterday. My youngest is quite the stalker, he’ll very silently come up behind me and shoot me in the back, followed by me screaming and him laughing, “GOTCHA!!!” I could never return the favour, apparantly, coz I’m slow! Have you ever?

So our favourite teenager went home last night and today was spent chilling out and watching some tv, and there was no noise, I am so pleased with that.

Enjoy!!